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Negotiation Checklist

While this checklist covers all critical elements, it is intended for experienced plays who already know the intricacies of negotiation. Novices should visit our BDSM Tools.

BDSM play has inherent risks and both tops and bottoms share the responsibility for safe, consensual and fun experiences.

  1. People - Who will be participating?

  2. Roles
    1. Who is Top? Bottom? Is there switching?
    2. What kind of scene is this? Will Bottom obey readily (with safewords, as applicable) or will play involve resistance?

  3. Venue/safety
    1. What safety equipment is there? First aid? Safety calls from bottom to friend? etc.

  4. Time and Length
    1. When will the scene happen?
    2. How long will the scene last?

  5. Mistakes
    1. Does everybody involved understand that there is some risk inherent to all S/M play?
    2. Is each participant willing to receive feedback or be told if they have violated consent?
    3. Is each participant aware of local resources available in the event of a consent violation?

  6. Medical limitations
    1. Does any participant have any physical, mental, or medication-related conditions that could impact play?

  7. Sex
    1. Do the participants wish to engage in any sexual activities (remember, consent can always be revoked!)
    2. What sexual activities are ok? Oral? Anal? Vaginal? With or without condoms? Be as thorough as possible!

  8. Intoxicants
    1. Are participants comfortable with one or more participant using intoxicating substances? (Please note, Braven Manor discourages the use of any intoxicating substance before or during play)
    2. What substances are the participants comfortable with (Alcohol? Cannabis?)
    3. How much of the substance(s) are the participants comfortable with?

  9. Bondage
    1. What parts of the body will be bound?
    2. What materials can be used – Rope? Tape? Gags? Blindfolds? Handcuffs? etc.
    3. Are safety implements available and nearby, in case a bottom needs to be released from bondage quickly?

  10. Pain
    1. How much, if any, pain does the bottom want?
    2. What types of pain are ok? – Spanking? Flogging? Caning? Paddling? Electrical? etc.
    3. Different people have different pain tolerances, and different ideas of what is “mild”, “moderate” or
    4. “intense” pain. Make sure you discuss this thoroughly and fully understand your partner’s limits.

  11. Marks
    1. Are marks allowed – Bruises? Cuts? etc.
    2. Where on the person’s body are marks ok?

  12. Humiliation
    1. Are any humiliating terms allowed? If so, which ones? Whore? Slut? Bitch? Whimp? etc.
    2. Is any physical humiliation allowed? If so, what kinds? Hair pulling? Face slapping? Spitting?

  13. Safewords - For example, Green, Yellow, Red

  14. Follow-Up
    1. What aftercare does each participant need? Are any particular items required for aftercare? Snacks? Drinks? Blankets? etc.
    2. How can participants communicate after the scene?
    3. If sub drop occurs, how will it be handled?

  15. Privacy
    1. What confidentiality do the participants need?
    2. How will confidentiality be ensured?
    3. Who can participants talk to about the scene and its activities? How will participants balance the need for
    4. confidentiality and the need for emotional support from trusted friends?

  16. Anything Else?

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Revised July 2021


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