BDSM Play
Tops give sensation,
Bottoms receive | Swinging |
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| Usually scene-based, usually 1 - 3 hours | Usually also done in a few hours |
Involves fetish activities, e.g. flogging, bondage.
Might involve sex, but less important | It's all about the sex! |
| Consent is critical for all aspects | Consent still critical, but focused on sex |
| Idealy, negotiation is extensive due to the danger of mental or physical injury. Often done over several hours | Minimal negotiation, often immediately before play |
| Most involve a "relationship" and/or commitment and many are long-term or on-going | Mostly one-night acquaintances, though some couples prefer to have friendships with play partners |
| BDSM Play | Master/slave or Dominant/submissive |
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| "Power exchange" occurs during a scene | "Authority exchange" applies to all the time partners are interacting |
| Trust is built around safety and comfort | Trust takes longer for the slave/sub to give up decision-making (e.g. clothing,food) and the Master/Dom to assume responsibility for the care and well-being |
| More often brief or ongoing encounters, though can be LTR | Always strive for long-term commitments |
| Usually in-person | Many are long-distance, although the ideal is living together. |
| Switching is common where Top/Bottom roles are reversed | Swithcing is very rare, although Masters might direct their slaves to give them sensations they enjoy, e.g. flogging |
| Monogamy | Polyamory
Capable of loving many |
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| Commitments are between couples | Commitments are between multiple partners |
| Any sexual activities outside the couple are usually secret and considered "cheating" |
All partners are informed when one is attracted to someone outside the group, thus "transparent" |
| The uninvolved partners usually experience jealousy |
The ideal is for partners to feel "compersion" - the joy of knowing a loved one is enjoying themselves |
| Typically a life-time commitment, e.g. marriage |
More awareness that our needs change over time and thus relationships might end, preferably without hurt feelings |
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